“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother”. ~Rev. Theodore Hesburgh
When I first saw this quote I can’t even begin to tell you how many things went through my head and rang true for me on so many different levels. Children see and pick up on EVERYTHING. We often don’t give them enough credit for the things they are aware of. Your relationship with your spouse is setting the bar for them to follow. If you are in a toxic or unhealthy relationship you are showing them that this is OK. If you and your spouse treat each other with love and respect, you are blazing a trail for them on how to be treated and how to treat others this way. If it is OK for my mom or dad to be treated this way then why shouldn’t it be OK for me? Just a little something to think about.
We are the most open and sensitive to energy when we are children. Even Though you might not always be fighting, children can feel your energy. They can sense when something is right or wrong. The bond between a mother and a child runs deep. My mother always told me that when I was little, I always seemed to know more than I should have. I would say things to her that I picked up on that she could not believe that I saw or felt. I am no different than the children that I see and work with every day.
I once worked with a client, who had three sons. The couple were having marital problems and later divorced. The husband was verbally abusive, disrespectful and cheating on her. She was always in a state of constant fear and anxiety. Feeling her anxiety (because children feel everything) the boys started acting out. Months later, they started treating her the same way her husband was treating her.
There was another case years ago, when I was working with someone who was telling me about her husband and how toxic and stressed out his energy was. He would walk in the door each night with a black cloud above his head and then take out all of his stress on his spouse. She would get upset and either lash out or hold it in while fuming inside. I remember seeing a vision of her baby playing on the ground getting energetically hit between the toxic energy that was emanating out of the two of them. Without even knowing what was happening, the energetic foundation for relating was beginning to form in this child.Years later, this child is demonstrating similar behavioral problems.
It is a fact that everyday will not be perfect, even the very best of relationships have their ups and downs. It is important to monitor the negative energy and whether it is the constant state and pace of the overall theme of the relationship. Similar to the 80/20 rule: It is what you do 80% of the time that makes a difference and has an impact.
Personally, I am grateful to have many couples, who are positive role models . These couples demonstrate what a healthy and happy relationship is and I can clearly see how their children thrive from it. I asked the couples I admire and respect what is the formula to having a balanced relationship? Here are the three things that they shared:
1. We want each other to be happy and we do what we each can do to make this happen.
2. We have a deep love and respect for one another.
3. We are supportive of one another
It is so simple, yet VERY effective!
As the parents, it is good to strive for a happy home. Children, who live in a balanced home tend to feel more secure and empowered. As their parents, you set the tone for what they will look for once they begin dating or seeking a significant other. Let’s make being in happy and respectful relationships a normal way of life.
Written by: Lori Bregman
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